K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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