i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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