dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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