I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
