I wish I could teleport
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
