fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
