i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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