Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
