Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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