Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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