I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
