not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
