The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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