i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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