Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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