I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
