Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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