the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
