I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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