he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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