New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
love makes seman taste better
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
