Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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