i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
