the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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