Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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