i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
