I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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