yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
