Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it was like eating out sand paper
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
