He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
