I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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