I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
