Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
