she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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