I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
this hospital has no fireball
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
