i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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