Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
