oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
