Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
