3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
