Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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