your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
