I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
