so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
