my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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