So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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