clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
soo... how was my night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize