I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
