my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
