I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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