we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
