Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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