did you get engaged???
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
