keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
