I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
