Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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