This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
