When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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