btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
