Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy