Your face is a jimmy john
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for