I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
