We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
