dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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